Ahhh where do I start! It’s been an interesting few weeks and I’m not quite sure if I should be writing this post or not. I’m torn, completely torn and here is why:
I started talking to one of the Admins from the main HBAC group a while ago. I won’t name her as that wouldn’t be fair. She seemed like a nice person and I’m still hoping that she can change, in fact the only reason I’m writing this post is because I want to reach out to her and I can’t message her directly anymore as she blocked me. I think the only way to do this is via a public letter. So here goes:
I’m so sorry you felt the need to block me, I actually really liked you and thought that we were getting somewhere. I know you talked to me because you were unsure of certain things going on in your groups, specifically babies dying that could have been saved. I know this affected you and I was so proud of you for acknowledging this.
You and I both know that babies are dying due to dangerous advice and support being given by your group and others like it. Here are some examples of recent deaths that we know about that could have been prevented, I apologise in advance if I seem angry or upset, I’m sure you can relate to why I would feel this way:
Baby Penelope: Died 10th August 2015 inutero. Mum was past 45 weeks with waters broken for 3 of those. Mum was actively encouraged to continue with her pregnancy until her baby was ready to come out. Lots of encouragement from the HBAC group that she could do it, that her baby would only come when it was ready, that there were mums who had done this! I don’t know the reasons behind Penelopes death, but I’m pretty sure that had mum been encouraged and supported to seek medical advice, induction or a section that baby Penelope would still be with us today. Not one person publicly told Baby Penelopes mum to go to the hospital or to get medical advice. The sickening part now is that the group are saying that Baby Penelopes mum was a troll! A fucking troll!!! This poor mother has lost her baby and all the group can do is try and pretend it never happened. They are burying this poor baby twice! It has to stop. Baby Penelope was very real. The pain her mother is experiencing right now is also very real. And yet this is what all of the people who ‘supported’ her through her post term pregnancy are doing to her! Making her out to be a fake! She deserves better! You know she does! This isn’t on! Just in case you didn’t see what your other ‘admin’ friend wrote in regards to this. Here is a screenshot for you!
As you can see its perfectly clear what the admins in your group are doing. As for stating that the obituary was for a 71 year old woman, it would help if whoever had called the funeral home had done the following: 1: Called the CORRECT funeral home 2: Used the right date! The 71 year old namesake died 5 days AFTER Baby Penelope, and was dealt with by a DIFFERENT funeral home in a DIFFERENT PART OF THE COUNTRY!!! Please ask your fellow admin to get her facts right. As for why she would respond to me and not you guys? I can’t answer that, but I can say I wasn’t the one calling her a fake from day 1! These things get out. If I had just lost my baby and heard what all of my ‘supporters’ and people who were supposed to care were saying then I wouldn’t respond either! Would you?
Then we have other babies that have recently died a potentially preventable death. Here are some of them for you. Each one deserves a blog all of their own but for the purpose of this letter to you I’ll keep the list brief:
11th September 2015: HBAC – Baby passed inutero after a UCA3C attempt
2nd September 2015: Unassisted HBAC – Baby died the day after birth
1st September 2015: Baby Jarret: HBAC Attempt, Cord Prolapse, HIE. Transferred to hospital but baby couldn’t be saved
10th August 2015: Baby Penelope as discussed above
30th July 2015: Baby Moses, Out of Hospital Birth, born not breathing
29th July 2015: Baby Owen: Attempted Unassisted Birth, ended up in transfer, baby was stuck and passed away before he could be born
28th July 2015: HBA5C Transfer, mum arrived with placental abruption and high BP, Crash section was too late to save baby
26th July 2015: HBAC Transfer: MAS (Meconium aspiration) Baby was unfortunately brain dead by the time they got to hospital
26th July 2015: Baby Eliza: HBAC Transfer, Baby died inutero
24th July 2015: Baby Chase: HBAC Transfer, baby got stuck. Was born brain dead and removed from life support
23rd July 2015: Baby CJ: Birth Centre VBAC – Baby couldn’t be saved
These are just the babies who passed in the last 3 months! That’s 11 deaths in three months! Some from groups you admin. It is completely unacceptable for this to carry on. I am begging you to stop encouraging women like these, and then to stop burying their stories under the pretence that they were fakes!
These babies and their parents are very real, a lot of their grief could have been prevented. You could have helped to stop some of these babies from dying!! Please stop encouraging women to birth dangerously, please advise them to seek medical assistance, to birth in a hospital, anything! Anything other than encouraging them to trust their bodies all the way to their babies grave.
So I have some questions for you:
How many of the babies that I have listed above do you think would have survived had the mothers been encouraged to seek medical advice or go to the hospital? I appreciate that not all of these babies would have survived, but you know as well as I do that had they been in hospital they would have had a fighting chance of survival.
Why befriend us in the first place if you had no intention of changing?
Why have you gone back to the HBAC groups? What do they offer you that saving babies cannot?
Part of me wonders if you are attracted to these groups because you enjoy being able to help and support vulnerable women, you are clearly seen as somewhat of a Martyr from your followers. But please think about this. These women that are looking up to you, boosting your ego and giving you gooey feel good feelings. Do you not think they deserve to know the truth about HBAC? The actual risks and evidence. They deserve the opportunity to make a balanced and fully informed decision. They deserve to be given the freedom to choose the safest option for their child.
So please if you do get a chance to read this, have a think about what you are doing. Because whilst it might make you feel good right now. How the hell are you going to feel when another baby dies? More importantly what are you going to do when another baby dies?
You have the opportunity to make a change now! Please think about that! You can do something right now to help prevent more babies from dying a preventable death. Inform these women and give them the freedom of choice they deserve.