A Letter to Admin – Follow up to my last post

I never really like to edit a post once it has been written as it can detract from the original feeling and thoughts that went into it when it was originally written. I have however been contacted by someone in regards to the last post I wrote, and I have been asked to edit my last post as it is not a fair or true representation of someone I mentioned.

The someone being one of the admins from the HBAC group.

The message I received went like this [edited to remove names]: ” **** the admin from the other group just messaged me, saying she read your blog and you are totally wrong about her. Yes she has had multiple C/Sections, but she did try to VBAC several times, her babies wouldn’t engage that’s why she ended up having more sections, and… she doesn’t push homebirth, just VBAC. She hasn’t had a homebirth because she doesn’t feel it’s right for her.”

 

Interestingly I have been witness to this admin cheering on HBACs in women. How can someone who doesn’t feel homebirth is right for her (probably because she is aware of all the risks involved) actively cheer on women attempting HBACs and risking their childs life and wellbeing??

I wasn’t going to reply to the message, but for anyone that knows me I couldn’t help myself and so the conversation went like this:

Me: “Hi *****, they all push HBAC, they would rather a HBAC than a VBAC. I’ve seen ***** on a HBAC mission. Its not a dig at you as I know you are just passing a message on. I’m sorry she feels I have got her wrong, but its the impression she and the group give off”

The reply did surprise me a little:

“for the short time I was in there, she was the only one telling me that I could have my next baby in the hospital if I wanted to. I read her whole story, it’s sad that she tried to VBAC with her last couple kids cause she wasn’t told she could, so I kinda feel for her, but I know the others are very homebirth, and I think all have had a HBAC if I remember rightly. Please think about changing what you wrote about her. I think she’s so pro VBAC because she didn’t know she could and then tried but couldn’t. I know I’d be pissed if I wasn’t told about VBAC.”

So we have an admin of a pro HBAC movement who hasn’t tried to HBAC because “It’s not right for her” which is fair enough, we are all allowed to have opinions and to do what we feel is right for us at any given time. Who has tried to VBAC and ended up with further sections. Again nothing wrong with that as I too have tried to VBAC and didn’t manage it as my uterus ruptured as I hit 5cm. I’m very much pro VBAC as you are all aware. It is better for mum and baby if it works out and carries less risk than a further section, as long as you VBAC in a medical facility with a readily available prepped OR! But who is also still actively encouraging women to HBAC. This group practically cheers on HBACs all the way to the mortuary!

Me: “I would be annoyed if I hadn’t been told about VBAC too, thankfully my OB was very pro VBAC, and even though it didn’t work for me and I ruptured I’m glad I tried, and I’m glad I was in a hospital trying. I will edit the post later as I didn’t know she had attempted a VBAC so I will remove the part where it says never tried a VBAC, but I still feel the same about the rest. The group is so dangerous, and whatever her true opinion is of HBAC the fact she is there, and the fact she is admin and watching women try HBAC, fail HBAC, babies die and babies get injured is enough to make her as guilty as the rest in my eyes”

I haven’t had a reply yet to my last response however it is early in the morning and its around the time everyone will be doing the school run, so I’m sure I will get a reply later. I chose in the end not to edit my last post but to write this one instead as a follow up.

It is true that I would be annoyed if I wasn’t told about VBAC and was forced into another section. Thankfully being in the UK most consultants do prefer you try and VBAC over a section due to the risks being lower. Also being in the UK and having the wonderful free health care that is the NHS, we don’t suffer from doctors trying to make extra money by attempting to force sections on mothers (which I believe is an issue in some parts of the USA) And yes its true that I’m not sorry for attempting my VBAC, if it had worked out recovery would have been much faster and I wouldn’t have suffered the infections afterwards. I’m also not sorry for saying that the HBAC group is dangerous! There is a huge difference between cheering on a VBAC and cheering on a HBAC.

To the admin of the group I refer to I have written you a letter:

Dear ***** [You know who you are]

I am sorry that I didn’t realise you had tried to VBAC and that part of my last post was inaccurate, I understand from my own experience what that can feel like and I respect you for trying. But I stand by everything else that I wrote.

I am sure you have now been passed on my response which I have also pasted on my blog. 

I appreciate that you are one of the few that does let women know they can labour in a hospital if they wish. But I can’t understand how you can still actively support and encourage vulnerable women to HBAC.

We both know it is dangerous, we both know (and have seen first hand) that babies are being killed and injured for life by this practice. Correct me if I am wrong but in the last 3 weeks alone have not two members of your group suffered major complications which have resulted in loss of life and a brain injury?

Please ***** How can you live with this. You may not be as pro HBAC as the group makes you appear, you may be more pro VBAC than anything else. But how can you admin the group and cheer these women on, knowing there is a chance that their babies may be seriously injured or killed during labour?

I am sorry if I have offended you. I know I spoke with you briefly a few months back, you seemed like a nice person. So please dig deep into your heart and think about what this group is doing.

I’m not a bitch and I’m not trying to actively offend anyone. I just don’t want more mothers to lose children, any loss of life that can be prevented can only be a good thing?? Any serious brain injury that can be prevented can also only be a good thing?

All mothers need support, but they also need education. If a women still decides to HBAC after research, education and knowing all of the risks then there is nothing that anyone can do to stop that. But I have seen so many stories of women having lost their babies who truly believed that HBAC was a safer option to a VBAC.

I know its not, and I know that you know its not. The women in your group also need to know that HBAC is not as safe as a VBAC, they need to know that if they rupture at home the chances are their baby WILL NOT survive. They need to walk into their choice fully aware of ALL of the risks.

I don’t know what more I can say.

Bella 

 

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